


only when stars burn are they noticed

by Anonymous



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Based on a song, Blood and Violence, Bullying, Character Death, Child Neglect, Eating Disorders, Flashbacks, For a while at least, Gen, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Injury, Insecure Kyan Reki, Kyan Reki Needs a Hug, Kyan Reki is a Ray of Sunshine, Major character death - Freeform, Maybe - Freeform, Memories, Mild Gore, No Dialogue, Not Beta Read, Please Don't Kill Me, Repressed Memories, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unrequited Love, Why Did I Write This?, basically I tried making pain in a bottle, by Mitski, idk if its working, in many forms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:22:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29765088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Reki was tired, so very tired, but he would keep on shining until the very end, until he couldn't shine any more. He would give everything away to people who deserved more than he did, and one day would run out of things to give. He was fine, he would be alright, maybe one day he could smile and mean it, today however, is not that day. Today is the day we all witness the death of a shooting star, one so bright it could blind you, but one that could be easily forgotten if you tried.
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa & Kyan Reki, Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Comments: 20
Kudos: 163
Collections: Anonymous





	1. this beginning commences at the end

**Author's Note:**

> Heya there! It's me the author here, I wanted to remind everyone to be mindful of the tags and trigger warnings, make sure to read them through and you can leave now if anything there bothers you or makes you uncomfortable as that is not my intention. I wanted to make a really angsty angst fic and this happened, so I hope you enjoy it if you decide to stick through this journey with me! Quick-note: English is not my first language so I apologize now for any mistakes since I also don't have a beta to help me out with this. If you find any mistakes feel free to leave them in the comments and I'll try my best to fix them. Now that we are done with that. Enjoy this first chapter! (I came up with the fic idea while listening to Last Words of A Shooting Star by Mitski)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fall into the abyss is a quick one, once you step in there's no coming back, even if you try to convince yourself you're not far gone, trust me if it has even a hair of yours, you're as good as gone.
> 
> TW's: Mentioned Child Abuse and Neglect, Bullying, Implied/Referenced Suicide (It will probably only get worse from here on out, so good luck!)

The clock on the nightstand marks 02:09 a.m on this Saturday, the moon outside his window is full and the stars shine brightly.

He is tired _and_ he is suffering too much, maybe he is tired _from_ suffering too much. He has already tidied up his room and prepared the rope and the chair, the preparations are ready, but what brought us here in the first place.

What happened to the core for it to stop burning and caused a supernova of the brightest star in sight, but he was a shooting star, never meant to be here for long only a passing view of light so bright it could blind you but it would soon disappear and fade away. Mostly forgotten but you’d remember it as a fond memory from simpler times. Never giving it much thought but when you would, you would smile and your heart would warm. Let us see the journey of this bright star who tried his best to win against the gravity trying to push him down but would crash and burn either way.

* * *

Always bright and happy, everyone thought.

He was more than glad to play his part in the ever growing play that was life, it would be a shame to put such a great actor on light duty after all.

What a warm afternoon it was, he never wanted it to end. A light breeze messing with his hair every once in a while and sunshine raining down lighting up even the darkest of shadows while casting a warm orange glow on things.

It would be such a pity if it were ruined by the bloodstains on the floor or the bruises that now littered his body. So he would neatly tuck them away under a hoodie and a smile, that was his trademark look so nobody thought about it twice.

Such a nice spring day to keep on playing pretend, but as long as he didn’t bother anyone it was fine. He headed down to the park, and did the one thing that never failed to bring that smile from just his lips and their charade, to his eyes and the truth they held as well. He may have gotten a couple of more bruises, but they would hide well with the rest of his collection.

Spring also meant that the flowers would bloom, most of them either way. The famous cherry blossoms Japan was known for would, however the red spider lilies wouldn’t come for months, but when they did the red they displayed was so beautiful it always entranced him.

For now however, he would enjoy as the wind rushed past his ears for just a bit longer, drag his escapades for as long as he could since what waited for him as home was simply not as beautiful as the outside.

Spending time with his family was also fulfilling, he cared and loved for them so much, too much possibly, but that wasn’t the point.

His sisters were growing up so nicely, it felt like they were babies only yesterday, he was glad they didn’t have to face many of the issues he had to deal with daily, and if he had to endure a bit more because of it he would gladly do it for them.

They deserved better than him after all, all of them deserved better. He would gladly give himself up if it meant they got to live happily, and he did.

Everyday he took the thorns out of the roses that bloomed inside their home so they wouldn’t get hurt because of them, that’s why he had so many bruises, he was always willing to take every piece of pain instead of them. He took the beatings his father provided in stride, never once faltering, and once it was all over in lieu of tears a smile comparable to the sun would appear accompanied with the ever-present “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” In the most cheerful tone he could muster while he ached.

* * *

Smiles, such a broad concept isn’t it.

Our face is said to betray what we feel, but a simple smile should cover up the cries for help seamlessly. Nobody looks at you twice if you smile, even if your eyes look on the verge of losing their spark, he looks happy and nobody is willing to look harder.

Reki is constantly hiding behind his smile, it’s his shield from the cruel reality. One he isn’t willing to see because once he does he will lose what’s left of his spark. It shines as bright as the sun and lights up everything around him, even if he feels like the void is inside of his heart shrouding everything in darkness but as long as he has a bit of hope and a bit of love, he will be fine.

~~Until he isn’t of course, but for now he is happy to be oblivious to the issue.~~

Just keep smiling is his motto at this point, and he’s never been one to preach and not practice.

Tonight he felt as if the sky was smiling at him, the moonlight gave off a bit of light, not like sunshine, it wasn’t as intense. If sunshine tried to make you smile and cheer you up, moonlight simply offered a shoulder to cry on and comfort. He is content with his life, but some more light in it is definitely appreciated.

Sometimes the weather gets really cloudy, and rain pours down. It’s like the sky is crying and letting their emotions out, he wishes he could do the same but he has to remain full of sunshine in order to not be nuisance. For now, he will grab his umbrella and go through another rainy day.

Today was especially hard for him, today not only his father beat him, but the boys at school did too. That’s fine though, they were all smiling and laughing which means beating someone like him up made them happy. He likes to make people happy, so he will allow it.

* * *

They called him a useless coward or nothing at all.

He asked about it in a couple of forums, if getting beaten down at home and at school by people who smiled when they roughed him up was wrong.

Getting his head grabbed and banged against a concrete wall hurt, he eventually started seeing red spots on the wall which mildly concerned him, his nose felt out of place and he couldn’t breathe through it while his head just throbbed. Once he started to wobble around a little too much, his classmates opted to let him fall to the floor and kick at his sides until simply breathing was painful, once they had all left their footprint on his chest or stomach they were satisfied and left with smiles on their faces.

Reki slowly stood back up again not wanting to fall and injure himself further, that’s around where he noticed his homework was ruined beyond repair, guess it was going to be another zero.

He deserved what had happened to him, they had also said. It appeared he was supposed to fight back and not just take it, to tell someone. It was his fault for being a coward. It was his fault for being selfish and not want other people to smile from the heart, instead of him who only smiled from the mask.

Everyone thought it was alright and let it happen, so why should he think any different, it was such a nice day too.

He would head to the skatepark and practice until his limbs felt numb and he felt dizzy, when he did that, the bruises from home didn’t ache as much he was too out of it to actually feel anything.

* * *

  
Coming home was never quite felt like it. It was like being in a random house, it wasn't different.

He was still an outcast, even in the place that was supposed to accept him with open arms.

Always feeling a bit left out, but he knew they didn't mean it. Wholly didn't mean it, just a careless slip up. Reki wasn't that notable of a presence so getting overlooked was nothing new. When instead of being ignored he got beaten black and blue, that was the standard as well.

Reki's mother was a kind person, she raised him and his sister basically alone. His father didn't bring anything to the table except for new bruises and debts.

Reki would do his best to help out either way. Ease the burden on his parents, they deserved to rest for a bit and he was a filial son. Taking up part-time jobs to help with the bills, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of his siblings, he would do it all.

His mother never quite paid attention to him, he would give him a pat on the head every once in a while and leave some money on the table trusting him to take care of everything. He couldn't let her down, so he did as he was supposed to.

Mother loved him and his siblings, he was sure of it. She was just tired, that was all. His sibling got love and support from her every time she came back to the residence, and that's all that matters.

He didn't feel affected by it, nobody could get close to a star either way, they would burn. Maybe someone would be courageous enough to approach him and try to get close.

He at times longed for a friend, someone he could talk to and they would listen, someone who would be willing to spend time with him and want nothing in return, someone he could help up and be offered a hand when he was down as well, yet he never seems to find someone like this.

He can only dream about meeting such someone one day, maybe the day he meets this so-called friend is closer than he expects. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter done! This was a bit shorter than I would have liked, but a lot of more things come in the next chapter. I'll try to post it as soon as I can, but I'm very busy currently. Thank you for reading!


	2. twinkle twinkle little star (how I wonder how long you'll last)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you prayed enough maybe the gods would have no choice but to give in. This came at a steep price of course, but for a lonely star this was well worth it. 
> 
> After all, red flags look normal under rose-tinted glasses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya there! It's me the author again. I have been really really busy this past week and had an even busier weekend. I couldn't spend my weekend writing like I had planned to, which means the chapter will be delayed. Fear not it's already in the works, for now you can have a little taste of what's to come.

There was a new transfer student, strange timing but a change in the routine wasn’t unwanted, and if the standard beatings didn’t make an exception as well, he pretended that they did.

Must have slipped his mind, or maybe he just hit his head too hard somewhere, but he doesn’t remember much of that day, something to ponder on when he has time.

* * *

Hasegawa Langa, that was his name. He got to know days later as this new kid seemed to be popular.

He got it though, Langa was gorgeous and someone not thinking so should be considered an offense, apart from that he was a foreigner. Half-Japanese, Half-Canadian but was born and raised in Quebec, Canada.

He seemed like an interesting guy, apart from that there was an air of mystery around him since he didn’t care to share much about himself.

* * *

Langa insisted he call him by his first name, he found it a bit awkward as he never really called anyone by their first names but he’d get used to it soon enough. He always excelled at adapting quickly either way.

Langa showed interest in skating, just for fun of course, but that was more than enough for Reki.

~~Not to escape reality and feel like flying away from everything, no, never like that.~~

It felt nice to talk to someone, even if they never dived into deep topics or the like, just talking about skating was enough.

He didn’t need to burden anyone so he would keep all his issues to himself, even so he always offered a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear if you seemed like you needed it. He was convinced _he_ didn’t need it, he was much too worthless for even basic acts of kindness, that’s what had been ingrained into his head since he was a child.

Ignoring his loneliness had come easy before he had a taste of friendship, but once he took a sip he didn’t want to go back.

He wished he could stay like this forever, skating and talking about skating with someone who was also passionate about it, spending time with people without being hurt, having fun in general was a concept he recently re-discovered.

This felt too good to be true didn’t it. Maybe after praying so hard and wishing upon wishes, did he get what he wanted for the first time? Did he finally get someone he could call a friend, someone who wouldn’t try to hurt him, he certainly hoped so.

What a sunny day it was, the sun shined brighter than ever and the sunshine that lighted up the world seemed fitting for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's me, back at it again. I am really sorry I had to delay the chapter but I simply haven't found time to write. This past week has been really hectic but I promise it will be out soon enough. I hope you enjoyed the little snippet I have checked so far, once again apologies for the delayed chapter I'm trying to work on it and on my homework at the same time. Thank you for your understanding! (This is pretty much my first work which is not an un-published drabble which means any kudos or comments make me super duper happy, thank you so much for the support!)


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